December 2, 2020

by a NASCAR fanatic - not affiliated with NASCAR

CLAYTON HUGHES (SPOTTER): All right, my bro, beautiful Texas here, 334 laps. Let’s do this the Truex way, babe.

CHAD KNAUS (CREW CHIEF): I’d like to say hello to all these great fans here with us today. It’s a beautiful day for a race. Go kick some ass today.

TONY HIRSCHMAN (SPOTTER): Done with your PR lap now, Adam? Ready to race?

ADAM STEVENS (CREW CHIEF): Anything for the fans, Tony.

TONY HIRSCHMAN: America’s crew chief.

ROGER PENSKE (OWNER): You guys have done a great job down there, Jeremy, in the last few weekk. Let’s show who can run out front here today. Good luck.

RYAN BLANEY: Yes sir, thank you.

ADAM STEVENS (CREW CHIEF): Should be hot and slick. Patience, discipline, all day long.

TONY GIBSON (CREW CHIEF): Let’s go win this thing today. Nice and smooth on pit road, get some cowboy hats.

JOEY MEIER (SPOTTER): Starting to pick up, green flag, green flag– good out back.

TIM FEDEWA (SPOTTER): Still outside, two-by-two, here with with the 77.

CHRIS LAMBERT (SPOTTER): Player, player, just him, one back. No run. By two, get smooth, hit your marks.

JOEY MEIER (SPOTTER): Solid to our left. Your lane’s moving great. Gonna get up behind the 18. One back. Come on, Kyle. Inside, inside, inside.

JASON HEDLESKY (SPOTTER): Slow one’s on exit. Watch this 18 up top.

JOEY MEIER: You got a tire?

BRAD KESELOWSKI: Flat left rear, flat.

KYLE BUSCH: Something’s broke!

BRETT GRIFFIN (SPOTTER): That 18’s right front don’t look real good.

ADAM STEVENS (CREW CHIEF): Four tires, guys, four tires!

JASON HEDLESKY (SPOTTER): It’s ridiculous, man. I guess they’re gonna block for 500 miles.

JIMMI JOHNSON: I just about wrecked inside of him, man, trying to get in the turn.

CHAD KNAUS (CREW CHIEF): Focus forward, buddy, go get that 5, come on!

GREG IVES (CREW CHIEF): OK, 10-4, track bar is helping you, right?

DALE EARNHARDT JR: I don’t know, let me ask it. Track bar, are you helping me?

BRETT GRIFFIN (SPOTTER): The 72 just races like a tool.

RYAN BLANEY: –garbage up off the two, just absolute garbage.

CHAD JOHNSTON (CREW CHIEF): 3, 2 2, get the [BLEEP] out of the way!

JOEY MEIER (SPOTTER): The more cars you pass, the more the leader has to pass to catch you, man. Look forward, come on, feel good.

TIM FEDEWA (SPOTTER): It’s you and the 27. Watch these guys. Easy.

CHAD KNAUS (CREW CHIEF): The 42 car has passed everybody.

ERIK JONES: That’s so [BLEEP] stupid!

RICK CARELLI (SPOTTER): Yes he is. Fall in line, bub. We’ve got a long ways to go.

ERIK JONES: I really don’t know what to ask for, man. I just need grip.

JASON HEDLESKY (SPOTTER): Keep an eye on that 42. Something’s happening there, he’s just going straight, things falling apart on him, into 3, the blue one up there.

KYLE LARSON: I’m loose as [BLEEP].

DEREK KNEELAND (SPOTTER): He’s got a good run on you this time, one back, pass.

CHAD JOHNSTON (CREW CHIEF): 10-4, bud, we’ll get you tightened up here at the stage break.

RODNEY CHILDERS (CREW CHIEF): All right, green-checkered, nice and easy.

– Put it out, put it out, pit stage one.

CHRIS LAMBERT (SPOTTER): Pit should be open here, bring it to us, four tires.

COLE PEARN (CREW CHIEF): All right, here we come, looking left, 3, 2, 1– here we go, four tires. Be ready to back him up here, guys, in case we can’t get out. Tell that [BLEEP] he does that again, we’re knocking him off the [BLEEP] jack.

KEVIN HARWICK: That wasn’t even close, he got us.

BRETT GRIFFIN (SPOTTER): 10-4. Coming back to green, get you a good restart.

CHRIS LAMBERT (SPOTTER): 42 pushing the 4 On the bottom.

CHAD KNAUS (CREW CHIEF): So we’re not racing anybody, we’re just trying to survive.

ERIK JONES: Holy [BLEEP], dude, I went up three tenths and I almost crashed.

CHRIS LAMBERT (SPOTTER): The 4’s got a big run coming to you.

CLAYTON HUGHES (SPOTTER): The 11 got way out of shape up there, you see him?

KEVIN HARWICK: I think Denny was waiting for me to lift. I didn’t lift till I got to the bottom.

ERIK JONES: Such [BLEEP] traffic, dude, it’s [BLEEP] ridiculous.

RYAN BLANEY: Patience is out.

DENNY HAMLIN: I may have a loose wheel. Yeah, something definitely wrong.

DEREK KNEELAND (SPOTTER): Nice stage win there. Let’s go get this last one. Save some fuel, cycle the motor.

CLAYTON HUGHES (SPOTTER): All right, make sure you got everything like you want it. Coming to the green here.

TIM FEDEWA (SPOTTER): Ready, ready. Green, green, green. All rolling.

CLAYTON HUGHES (SPOTTER): There you go, good start, good start. Still inside.

RYAN BLANEY: Every [BLEEP] We’re I’ve gone into one, it [BLEEP] lays on the splitter.

ERIK JONES: I feel like we’re overly aero-sensitve, it’s ridiculous.

RYAN NEWMAN: Still crashing loose getting in, haven’t fixed it all day.

TONY RAINES (SPOTTER): All right, babe, we’re gonna pit this time, four tires.

DEREK KNEELAND (SPOTTER): Pit this time, pit this time.

TONY GIBSON (CREW CHIEF): 2, 1– right over here.

CHAD JOHNSTON (CREW CHIEF): 2, 1– wheel left, foot on the brake.

TONY GIBSON (CREW CHIEF): All the way out, all the way out!

CHAD JOHNSTON (CREW CHIEF): Go, go, go! All the way to the grass, don’t speed.

KURT BUSCH: You ain’t got em’ [BLEEP] tight!

TONY GIBSON (CREW CHIEF): They say we’re good.

KYLE LARSON: Do I have a loose wheel, did you guys leave lug nuts off?

CHAD JOHNSTON (CREW CHIEF): They’re saying we’re good.

KYLE LARSON: I don’t think so.

KURT BUSCH: There’s no way. Coming in this time. It’s horrible. [BLEEP] me.

TONY GIBSON (CREW CHIEF): The right front had a lug nut between the wheel and the hat there, old man.

KURT BUSCH: [BLEEP] [BLEEP]

ANNOUNCER: Trouble again in turn number two!

DEREK KNEELAND (SPOTTER): Got one spinning here, got on spinning. Keep digging here, he’d gonna be coming across, keep diggin, come on, come on.

KYLE LARSON: I’ve definitely got a loose wheel.

CHAD JOHNSON (CREW CHIEF): 2, 1– go, go, go! To the grass. You’re going to need to bring it back to us here.

KYLE LARSON: What’s wrong?

CHAD JOHNSON (CREW CHIEF): There’s a hat on the right front wheel spacer that’s backed out, not letting the right front meet tight.

KYLE LARSON: A what?

TONY RAINES (SPOTTER): This puts him back on the lead lap, I believe.

KURT BUSCH: I’ll just follow the 24. He’s pretty good at getting away with what-the-[BLEEP]-ever.

TONY RAINES (SPOTTER): Going, going, green flag, green flag.

CLAYTON HUGHES (SPOTTER): Your’e all clear, all clear.

TONY HIRSCHMAN (SPOTTER): Two top here, 15, 72. Clear.

KYLE BUSCH: I don’t think I have ever passed so many meaningless cars in my entire life.

ANNOUNCER: Kyle Larson is in big trouble! He gets loose into turn 2!

DEREK KNEELAND (SPOTTER): You’re on fire here, Kyle. Come to a stop. Come to a stop. Come to a stop. Come to a stop.

CHAD JOHNSTON (CREW CHIEF): He wanted to talk about how [BLEEP] the car was, and he [BLEEP] wrecked it.

DEREK KNEELAND (SPOTTER): 10-4. Two weeks in a row.

DAVID HOOTS (MANAGING EVENT DIRECTOR): Display the red.

CHRIS GAYLE (CREW CHIEF): Feels like it’s a long race. Nothing like a red flag to extend it, huh?

DANICA PATRICK: Whoah. It’s really hot. Yeah, this is pretty [BLEEP] of them to stop us, to be honest.

MARTIN TRUEX JR: Feels like I got a blister on my [BLEEP], it’s so hot. Uggh.

COLE PEARN (CREW CHIEF): They just showed us the hottest race on record here.

COLE WHITT: It’s actually kind of cool if you park next to Kyle Busch on a red flag, you get to hear all the fans yelling a bunch of curse words.

TIM FEDEWA (SPOTTER): Going on the 11. Ready, green, green, green.

CLAYTON HUGHES (SPOTTER): Good start, good start.

TIM FEDEWA (SPOTTER): Go on now, get that draft, get to him here.

CLAYTON HUGHES (SPOTTER): One back, quarter back. He’s looking high, he’s looking high. He’s looking high.

TIM FEDEWA (SPOTTER): You’re clear. Nothing else behind to worry about. Hit your marks now, hit your marks.

MARTIN TRUEX JR: No idea how he did that. Blame the [BLEEP] dumbass in the 6 for it, though. [BLEEP] idiot.

ANNOUNCER: Harvick down into turn 3, and headed for home, on turn 4!

KEVIN HARVICK: How about that, boys? Texas W! Great job! Awesome!

ROONEY CHILDERS (CREW CHIEF): Burn ’em down, brother!

COLE PEARN (CREW CHIEF): We are clinched, Mark.

MARTIN TRUEX: Awesome. You guys are awesome. We’ll get ’em in two weeks.

– Good job, bud,

– Great job, man.

– For the homestead!

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