I’ve been reading on the Internet about 5 reasons this and 12 questions that on The Chase and it got me thinking. Why not have a bottom 4, or a 4 reasons something will not happen in this year’s Chase? Why 4 you ask? Well, it is Kevin Harvick’s number and Jeff Gordon is a four-time NASCAR Champion, but those are not the reason for 4. See 3 is not enough and 5 is probably too many to come up with each time. Plus, @annoyingracefan has a Top Five and I didn’t want to mess with his mojo. For you English purists out there, yes I know I should spell those numbers out, but I’m what you call non-industrious. Here’s my 4 reasons that @DaleJr will not win the 2015 Chase:
#4. Gear Shift Levers – Greg Ives got a great deal on some gear shift levers at an MWR going-out-of-business sale. Sadly, these are the same gear shift levers that the 88 team threw away earlier this year. Talk about irony.
#3. GPS Malfunction – The 88 hauler driver will accidentally punch in a Canadian address instead of the correct one for Kansas Motor Speedway it will only be after crossing the border that he notices his error. On trying to get back into the US, the border guard, being a Keselowski fan determines that the driver is transporting unwanted cargo and detains him for 72 hours. During his confinement the driver is forced to watch the Bob and Doug McKenzie marathon as well as reruns of Digger and Friends. This causes Dale Jr. to go with the only backup car available; Jimmie Johnson’s Charlotte car, which was fixed with leftover parts from Jimmie’s Dover car.
#2. Fantasy Football – At Talladega, a late night out on the Boulevard with Amy will cause Dale Jr. forget about his Fantasy Football lineup. The next morning while he is frantically setting up his team he misses both the driver’s meeting and driver intros. NASCAR is not pleased and sends him to the back to start. Things are fine until Kyle Larson and Kyle Busch suddenly collide trying to fake pass each other. Dale Jr. is caught up in the 22 car pileup at the entrance to pit road. (Side note: The Orange Cone escapes with minor road rash, again.)
#1. Most Popular Curse – It is what it is. A curse. The most popular NASCAR driver in history just can’t win it all. Kinda like in High School when the “Most Likely to Succeed” didn’t and the “Most Cute Couple” ended up being stars of People of Wal-Mart.
Until next time! Check out @nascarcasm on Twitter, who’s actually funny.